I feel like I have unfortunately sensored myself to the point of oppressing myself. Maybe I started doing it with the best intentions like many other people that I know. In the end it has lead to me giving my condensed view to conversations and matters. All in the confines of fear. I hate reaping what I have sown over the last couple of years.
All because of fear. Fear of everything. I am a human. A free being. Then why do I allow myself to be hurt in order to satisfy others. I think that a pain that everyone will eventually experience is holding their tongues and not jumping at the opportunities that lay ahead of them. Or watching something that you nutrued with a deep love imploding into thousands of untouchable pieces. Or even losing love to the fear that grows from the fright of expressing your deepest desires.
I have a fear. We all do. I don’t think any man can ever truly be fearless.
Fear stems within us and blossoms into a crippling poison getting it’s nutrients every single time we open our eyes or close them. It’s a raging war in us dancing within our depths. The stray bullets puncturing the vital organ. The heart. The mind. It makes us sick. No pill nor injection can fix it.
Then the fear thrusts you into a dark wasteland. Where people have noted that they were drowning yet still swimming. The feeling of slow detachment. Of a slow creeping separation.
I refuse to allow any fear to grab ahold of me. This project means more now. I wanna find peace. Maybe I can start writing about the things I cannot say out aloud. Wouldn’t that be alright? It’s more than mere expressions and thoughts. Perhaps I’ll finally experience a peaceful bliss within myself. Issues and topics that hold my heart at a randsom. The randsom being me breaking free.
Light from Lita
See you soon