What happened.

image

photographer unknown

It had me at the throat.

It was anger I think. Anger that had me pulling at my shell, picking at the falsehood. Once I started peeling back at the pieces, I realized that I didn’t like them and one by one they repulsed me. I didn’t have to look far for the culprit, her eyes pierced mine and followed me in the mirror.

More anger, more tears and more denial. It didn’t make sense, here was a person that everyone loved and got along with but I hated her. I hated how she felt against my soul and how she didn’t quite fit. I hated how she held my words and how she suffocated my screams and dreams alike. My pleas, screams and even the quiet whispers that I released when I thought that someone – anyone – was listening were held hostage so wickedly by her.

Piece by piece, each concealed lie fell out, each more deviously conceived. In the end I wasn’t sure what killed me more, whether it was the mountain of pieces that lay next to me or the stranger that stared back at me in the mirror. I couldn’t handle it; more anger, more tears and more denial.

A pungent smell sat in the air. It invaded my nostrils and had my stomach reeling but what horrified me –  chilled me to the bone – was that it came from a corpse. I had killed me. There I was on the ground with glossy eyes, staring into the vast space of nothingness. Before I knew it, I was crashing and hurdling towards the earth and nothing could stop me or the sobs that ripped through my body.

I had killed myself and now I had to live.

Me VS all that I am not.

It isn’t easy to grow under the weight of all you’re supposed to be.

However I killed myself and I had to live,
Regardless of the fact that I was terrified.

candid
Adjective:
        truthful and straightforward; frank.

quasar

Astronomy

noun: quasar; plural noun: quasars

a massive and extremely remote celestial object, emitting exceptionally large amounts of energy, which typically has a starlike image in a telescope. It has been suggested that quasars contain massive black holes and may represent a stage in the evolution of some galaxies.

Welcome to Candid Quasar.
Light from Lita